Uncertainty

*Note: I wrote this when I’d fallen pregnant with my first child, but as yet did not know it. With the knowledge in hindsight this is a perfectly natural experience, but at the time I was confused and unsure what was happening. 

I don’t understand any of this

Feelings tearing around my body

Like cars on a race course

Emotions I have no reason for

Unexplainable sensations gush over me

Like a flood covers fields

Who do I talk to?

I can’t justify it for myself

How can I explain it to others

When I don’t know what it is?

Changing from one instant to the next

Even I don’t know what to expect

Lie to myself

To others as well

Cover ups

Conspiracies

All to achieve what?

I ask you this

My friend

My ruler

Control freak

Let me in your world

So I may get a clearer picture of my own

Questions unanswered

None the wiser

No one to ask I suppose

Maybe with answers I’d know too much

Maybe I need a journey of discovery to find them

But what are the questions I ask?

They are not specific words and sentences

Thus making them not even a question

There is no answer if there is no question

Perhaps I’m wrong

I have found the answer to all

I’m only human

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