I promise I’ll be back soon

I want to keep writing here. I’m trying. I’ll be back soon x

In the meantime go to http://www.adhdsa.com.au … I’m trying to start an entire statewide support and information service network, and if you’ve got something to offer, I’d love you to help out.

Contact me via the link (top right) on the homepage over there, if you can help. Subscribe and share me if you wouldn’t mind. Send your ADHD suffering peeps my way to jump on the real info bandwagon with me. If you have it – let me know! Volunteer to be profiled, share your best links or online information, and if ANYONE is in South Australia – whatever you can offer locally is welcome 🙂

Thats what I’m trying to do. And recover – badly managed ADHD (lately anyway). Intensely horrendous grief (my Dad dying has basically fucked me up as much as I expected it to…), heavy depression, and all of it triggering a great cascade of every prior mental health event in my life it seems – so all the GAD and other anxiety issues – bam. Back. All the PTSD I didn’t get, ohhh I’ve got it now, for a number of different traumas, too the bugger – and all the work I did for all of that to succeed in what was basically self-counselling – GONE GONE GONE… I’ve got all the things I worked hard to escape or recover from, all at once, plus stressful real life AND cranky pants at the decimation of my work on top.

Oh, what joy it is to be Curious Kels in 2017 :\ Still waiting to catch a break, a breath, and a chance to just exhale without another slap of universe-negativity in my reality. Just a moment….

I am glad for the health of my kids, my beautiful friends and my (barely hanging in there) sanity. Otherwise, OMG I’m cage fighting the universe right now, only I’ve got nothing but a bitch slap.

It’ll be ok. Eventually. It must be.

 

PS my eldest turned 18 and he’s a lovely, on track, not rebellious, respectful of his mother boy. WOOHOO! #proudmum …
Ok, see you soon xo

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I Hate Her

I hate her. This me. She has snuck back into my life through an unwatched door, swiftly and subversively poisoning all that had been cleansed. She was not welcome at incarnation and she is not welcome now. She laughs at the progress, the healing, the time – and in one swift roll of the eyes, it all unravels before her.

I hate her. This me that I am not, and that I will not be. She brings fear and hate and vengeful thoughts that suffocate my chosen changes. She brings all that is unwell within me, all that is unwell outside of me. She divides and in doing so conquers only me.

I hate her, this me. I fought for my life outside of her once, twice, more perhaps. She was not welcome then and she is not welcome now.

I hate her. This me. She is the worst of me.

She is bitter and ruthless. She is agony. She is all the parts I shed and she is not allowed to destroy a future that has not yet been written. But here she is, and I cannot find her weakness.

I fear she is unbeatable and unbearable and I have no escape within myself from her hopelessness.

I hate her. This me.